


Now that you're around I pray you don't go

by MyownFairytale



Category: The Society (TV 2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe(ish), F/M, I changed a few canon things, Will is kinda a bad friend in this, panic attacks (described a little bit)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-12
Updated: 2019-06-12
Packaged: 2020-05-03 23:17:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19193938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyownFairytale/pseuds/MyownFairytale
Summary: We have to do something. That was the last thing Allie heard from her advisors before she ran out of the room to get away from the horrible conversation. ‘We have to do something’ as if it were that easy. They didn’t get what a burden it was to make the decision to kill someone or how horrible it was to be the one to do it.Allie is supposed to make another decision regarding someone's life but this time she can't. Harry as well as Grizz help her through it and in the end she even gets a relationship out of it.





	Now that you're around I pray you don't go

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from the song "Four Seasons" by Rex Orange County 
> 
> There are two/three panic attacks described a little in this so if you're not comfortable with this I recommend not reading this. 
> 
> I tried to finish some of the plot a little more but I couldn't think of an end for it so there might be a small loose end in there - I guess y'all can make one up if you'd like!

We have to do something. That was the last thing Allie heard from her advisors before she ran out of the room to get away from the horrible conversation. ‘We have to do something’ as if it were that easy. They didn’t get what a burden it was to make the decision to kill someone or how horrible it was to be the one to do it. 

Allie was sitting on her bed, trying to figure out how to tell the council, her friends, that they had no idea what they were asking her to do and that they would have none of the responsibility she and the guard will have to carry if they decided to kill another person, another child, another living breathing human with a family.  
While she was sitting there thinking, she suddenly heard the door open. Fully expecting it to be Will she didn’t even bother to turn around. If he wanted to lecture her or push her in the right direction she knew he would do it no matter what. 

When the room stayed suspiciously quiet Allie decided to turn around and face whoever chose to follow her. It was Grizz, loyal understanding Grizz, standing there running one hand awkwardly through his hair while offering her a steaming cup of tea with the other. Smiling at the mirrored situation from last time, Allie accepted the mug of tea. Just smelling it calmed her down a lot. She kept taking deep breaths of it even when Grizz sat down next to her. 

“Are you okay?” He whispered. It was as if he didn’t want to break the calmness that had taken over the room with any loud noises. Allie shook her head and took a small sip of her tea. It was peppermint, one of her favorites. Grizz saw her enjoy the drink and said with a knowing smile,  
“I know peppermint is your favorite. I thought you needed something good after that conversation.” Allie leaned into Grizz’s body, letting him take all of her weight. She felt exhausted, emotionally and physically exhausted. Grizz just grabbed her shoulder with both hands and held her for a few minutes.

Allie was glad Grizz was the one who followed her. With him she felt safe and warm – warmer than she had felt in a long time. In the last few months it seemed like she was always cold no matter where she was or how warm it was there but with her friends close by it was better, usually. 

After a few minutes Allie pushed herself out of Grizz’s hug and faced him with a serious frown on her face.  
“Grizz. How am I supposed to do this again?” She asked with a quiet voice searching for an answer in his face.  
It took Grizz a few seconds to answer, “I don’t know Allie. I can’t even believe they would ask you for this again. They remember the last time right? It was so horrible and I don’t know why Luke didn’t stop them.” 

A calm but thought heavy silence overtook the room once again. Neither Allie nor Grizz knew what to say. Both of them recognized that neither of them had a different answer to the problem than the council and they also couldn’t figure out how to tell their friends, their fellow government that this decision was not something they could go through again. 

“What are we gonna do?” Allie asked out loud. Grizz looked at her with an apologetic look in his eyes and shrugged.  
“Yeah that’s what I figured. I sometimes wish I wasn’t mayor.” Allie voiced her deeply buried thoughts out loud for the first time. She had regretted taking the mayor job ever since the beginning but hadn’t felt comfortable enough to tell anyone but here with Grizz in her bedroom she knew he understood. 

“I really don’t envy you, Allie. That mayor shit looks hard and now they want you to play God with another person’s life again.” Grizz shook his head as if he couldn’t understand how their society had come this far.  
“And with Campbell of all people. Grizz, he is my cousin! I grew up with him. Even though all he ever did was to hurt so many people, how am I supposed to condemn my cousin to death?” Allie hid her face in her hands. Tears were threatening to flow out of her eyes and down her face.  
She didn’t want to shed any tears for her abusive asshole of a cousin that did nothing but cause misery and pain for everyone but deep down her nice memories of them growing up together, always in the shadow of their better siblings, overtook her rational side. Campbell who always made her laugh with his impressions of Cassandra’s bossy nature and their shared experiences with their parents’ constant praise for Cassandra and Sam, which they never or rarely had for him and Allie. 

In order to figure out her emotions and to organize all the thought swirling in her head, Allie asked Grizz to go downstairs and tell the rest of the council, whom she were sure was still waiting and discussing things there, to leave her alone for the rest of the day. After Allie heard the front door slam close a couple of times, she was convinced everyone had left her house. Carefully listening for any noises Allie crept down the stairs into the kitchen. Right now her growling stomach was her first priority. Everything else could be figured out once she was full and satisfied. 

She ate her dinner alone in front of the TV, playing a random DVD that had been left in the player years ago, with a glass of straight high-end vodka she took from her parents’ bar. The alcohol did its job and soon Allie was feeling relaxed and a little buzzed. She knew this would not make the decision easier or take it off her mind but she decided to try anyways.  
She kept drinking and drinking until seeing straight was a problem and everything seemed funny. After a while though Allie found herself on the ground sobbing into Cassandra’s favorite blue blanket. She was sobbing for everything she had lost and for every horrible thing she had to do to survive since they were dropped off in this horrible town. 

Once the movie was over Allie dragged herself off of the floor and into her bed. There she remembered the conversation she had here with Grizz this afternoon and her chest felt tight all of the sudden. It was as if the weight of the decision and her guilt for not being able to save Cassandra and for killing Dewey was sitting on her chest. Gasping for air, Allie’s eyes began to water. She wondered if this was how she’s going to die. At least these horrible decisions would be over then a quiet voice in her head suggested.  
It took a good while for it to be over and afterwards Allie felt so drained that all she could do was lie back down in her bed. 

She must have passed out because the next thing she saw was Will standing over her, shaking her awake the next morning.  
“Get dressed. The council is waiting downstairs.” He just said roughly and left Allie alone. She took her time getting dressed, trying to remember if she had some painkillers in her bathroom for her hangover and if she would survive jumping out of the window onto the lawn. Allie was dreading going downstairs to face the expectant faces of her people and to tell them her decision. A decision she hadn’t even made yet and didn’t want to make in a million years. 

But as any good mayor would do, she decided against fleeing her own house via the window and to instead face the music downstairs.  
Trying to channel all of Cassandra’s confidence Allie marched downstairs. The moment she came into the kitchen all their heads turned towards her and Allie knew she was screwed.  
“So…” she started nervously toying with the hem of her sweater. “I know you’re all here to hear my decision regarding Campbell but” she took a deep breath “I’m sorry to tell you I don’t have one!” The moment the words came out of her mouth, everyone on the council started talking simultaneously. Surprisingly it was Luke who got all of them to shut up.  
“Allie. I know this is a hard decision but it needs to be made. You know Campbell can’t run around this town unsupervised.” Will’s voice broke the sudden silence. He spoke with an understanding voice that made Allie madder than any yelling she had been subjected to in the past few months. 

She was angry that her best friend kept pushing her into making the decision he thought was right and that he had apparently forgotten what the execution did to Allie and the guard the last time. He also completely disregarded that this time Allie shouldn’t be making the decision at all since the person was directly related to her and that she couldn’t make this decision no matter how horrible Campbell was.  
“I know that but I also know that I don’t think I have it in me to do this again. And I’m sure neither can Luke or the rest of the guard.” Allie pointed at Luke and Grizz, who both looked on the ground, embarrassed. Will looked at Gordie and Helena trying to get them involved in the conversation, to say something and finally Gordie spoke up.

“Know that I’m not doing this with a light heart but Allie we, the council, give you another 24 hours to decide and if you don’t you aren’t doing your job and we’ll start docking your rations and declaring you unfit to rule.”  
“What? That is not what we discussed!” Luke and Grizz yelled and at the same time Allie just said “You can’t do that” in disbelief. Gordie as well as Helena and Will ignored their outbursts and looked at Allie with neutral faces.  
“Yes we can Allie. It says so in our laws and we’ll make a decision for you if you won’t make one after we dock your rations.” Helena added with a determined look in her eyes. Allie had never seen her like this and she knew Helena meant what she was saying.  
Allie would’ve never thought Helena would agree to such drastic measures but she guessed Helena was probably just doing this to protect Elle and that Allie understood and respected. If she were in her position she would probably make the exact same decision. 

“And we’ll tell everyone you made it in case you think this is your way out of making a decision.” Allie gaped at Will. This was definitely not the Will she knew, the Will that cried watching Bambi with them for the first time last year, the Will she had loved for the past few years. “Allie this is your job. You need to do it!” 

With that Will walked out of the house, followed by the rest of the council except for Luke and Grizz. Both of them stayed back for a second to apologize and in Grizz’s case to hug her tightly for a minute. Allie thought that those two understood the consequences in a way the rest of the council didn’t. They may have all been at Dewey’s execution but none of them played as much of a vital part in the actual act as Allie and the guard. 

So the rest of the day Allie was trying to weigh Campbell’s crimes against the cost of executing another person. His crimes against Elle and the chaos he caused in town were unforgiveable for Allie but she still couldn’t completely make herself believe that this was the right decision. 

The whole day she was too nauseous to eat and she felt an underlying panic thrumming in her body while her thoughts raced from one side to the next. Allie couldn’t remember the moment the panic took over but suddenly she was gasping for air again and rocking back and forth on the kitchen floor. She was so caught in the panic and her racing thoughts she didn’t even hear the front door open and someone walking into her house while yelling her name. The person must have heard her in the kitchen because their steps came closer. 

“Allie! What happened?” Harry Bingham hurried to her side and sat down next to her on the floor. Allie tried to answer but she couldn’t and trying made breathing even more difficult.  
“Okay, Allie. I’ll try to help you. Please trust me.” He whispered into her hair. He sat down behind her so her back was leaning against his chest. He took deep slow breaths in and out and told Allie to copy him. Slowly but surely she calmed down and her breathing was back under control even though tears were still running down her face. Harry hugged her loosely from behind and made calming noises. 

His embrace felt nice and safe so Allie leaned back into him and closed her eyes. She actually fell asleep in his embrace and Harry carried her to the couch once sitting on the floor was too uncomfortable.  
Scared that Allie would panic again if she woke up alone, Harry sat down in the armchair next to the couch. He was reading a book he had found on the table next to the chair when Allie opened her eyes again. She blinked a few times and stretched her arms over her head but when she saw Harry sitting in the chair next to her she immediately stopped.  


“What are you doing here?” Harry put down his book carefully after memorizing the page number and turned to answer her.  
“How are you feeling?”  
“You can’t just ignore my question Harry.”  
“And you can’t ignore mine!” He shot back. Allie suppressed a grin that threatened to overtake her face. This situation felt very familiar, the bickering was so normal it was a little funny. 

“Okay, you answer mine and I’ll answer yours?” Allie offered a compromise. Harry nodded quickly while shooting her his signature smirk. She apparently wasn’t the only one remembering their countless arguments like this.  
“I came over to talk to Luke about switching a shift with him and I knew the council was meeting here so I came here because Luke never answers his text anymore I swear. Satisfied?” Allie laughed quietly.  
“I guess so. I’m okay I think. I don’t know Harry. It’s been a stressful day.” She sighed and rested the back of her head on the couch. 

“Have you ever had a panic attack before today?” Harry asked softly.  
“Panic attack? Was that what happened?” Allie asked with genuine surprise in her voice. She didn’t think that she would be the person to have a panic attack. Before all of this she had never been a stressed person, always trusting that the adults or at least Cassandra would take care of everything. “Well if that’s what happened panic attacks are horrible.” 

“Yeah I know.” Harry admitted as he got up and walked to the kitchen.  
“What do you mean you know?” Allie followed him. Harry was standing in front of the open mug cabinet with his back turned toward her.  
“I sometimes get them too. Have been since my dad died.” Even though Allie couldn’t see his face she knew he was frowning. Before she could change her mind she walked towards him and hugged him.  
“I’m sorry!”  
“Me too.” He whispered back.  
For a while they were just standing there, hugging in the quiet room where they could only hear the shared breaths.  
“You have to eat and drink something.” Harry broke the silence and moved out of the warm embrace.  
“I haven’t really been hungry today.” Allie said as she walked towards the table.  
“Still. A panic attack takes a toll on your body. You need to replenish a little bit at least. I’ll make you tea and a sandwich.” Before Allie could protest Harry was pulling out all the ingredients from the fridge and started heating the water for the tea.  
Defeated Allie grabbed a blanket and sat down at the table. There her and Harry shared the sandwich and Allie finished two cups of tea in comfortable silence. 

“Can I ask you something?” Harry made an agreeing noise and looked at Allie (expectantly). “You totally don’t have to answer but do you know why you get these attacks?” Allie played with the blanket while waiting for an answer. She felt bad for asking Harry but she wanted to know more about what was happening to her.  
“It’s not really an easy thing to explain, Allie.” Harry said after a few minutes of silence.  
“Yeah okay no then please forget I asked.” Allie stood up from the table and walked towards the sink to put down her empty mug. 

The last thing she wanted to do was dredge up bad memories for Harry and make him uncomfortable. She would just have to figure out another way to get the information she needed. Normally she would ask Gordie but she was too angry with him and didn’t really trust him with this anyways. He would probably just threaten her again and declare her unfit to rule.  
“Why were you asking anyway?” Harry’s voice travelled from the living room into the kitchen.  
“I was just wondering why they happen. And I thought maybe you would know something. It seemed like you knew what to do.” 

When Allie sat back down Harry suddenly started explaining how his grief therapist had said that his panic attacks come from him worrying about the uncertainness of life because his dad died so suddenly but that it was different for everyone.  
“Allie, what were you thinking about before it happened?”  


That question made Allie pause. She thought back to earlier that day, replayed everything and started hyperventilating again. Her eyes even started tearing up and it was like she heard Harry’s voice from underwater, it was so unclear and muffled.  
Harry noticed that Allie wasn’t responding to him, didn’t even look in his direction so he did something his therapist warned him and his family against. He just hoped that Allie wasn’t the same as him when she was panicking. He grabbed her and hugged her while stroking her hair in an attempt to sooth her.  
Allie finally could focus on him and looked at him once she was able to hear his voice again. Her breathing as well as her mind calmed down. 

“I’m sorry Allie. I didn’t mean to remind you of earlier.” Harry apologized once Allie was sitting back on the couch.  
“I know, Harry. Don’t worry. It wasn’t really your fault anyway. Like I said earlier the whole day was really stressful.” Despite his earlier misstep Harry decided to ask Allie why the day was stressful anyway. Maybe she needed to talk it out to ease her worry but Allie’s answer shocked him completely. 

Allie told him everything. She told him that the council was practically blackmailing her into giving the order to execute Campbell, her cousin Campbell. By the end Allie was crying again and Harry sat down next to her.  
“I’m sorry they are pressuring you to make this decision, Allie. Especially because you’re related to Campbell. I’m sure there is a law against that sort of thing somewhere.” Harry wondered out loud.  
“Well if there is, it’s not a law here. Harry, I can’t do this. I think I don’t want to be mayor anymore.” She leaned her head onto his shoulder. Automatically his hand stroke her hair and hugged her closer. 

Harry listened to her worries while making sure Allie wouldn’t fall into the cycle of complete panic again. It was close a few times but Harry managed to calm her down every time with kind words and quiet coaching through the hyperventilating. Together they came up with a plan to get the council to make the decision they so desperately wanted Allie to make for them. 

Allie expected her sleep to be plagued by nightmares of Dewey’s execution so she asked Harry to stay with her like Will had before. She didn’t want to face the nightmares alone. 

The rest of the night they spent together in front of the TV waiting for their eyes to fall shut. Allie was asleep long before Harry so he carried her up to her room and made himself comfortable on the mattress on the floor in front of the door.  
Around dawn Harry was woken up by Allie’s screams and he held her when she woke up crying again. They both fell asleep again while they were hugging each other close and didn’t wake up until hours later. 

At first waking up with Harry in the same bed was fairly awkward for Allie but then she remembered that he was there for her the whole time yesterday and it didn’t feel so awkward anymore. He had seen her in worst states than just after waking up and he still stayed over so there was nothing to be ashamed about. They were pretty quiet the whole morning, spending it worrying about and preparing for the talk with the council. 

 

When the council arrived they were skeptical of Harry staying for their meeting but after Allie told them he knew her decision already and that she would take full responsibility for him and his behavior they calmed down pretty quickly. Will and Gordie kept throwing him angry glances every now and then but Allie decided that was not high enough on the agenda to be addressed right that second.  
Allie started the meeting by agreeing to the execution plan the council had come up with the last few weeks and she assured them she would tell the whole town at the meeting today. Everyone, except Grizz and somewhat Luke, was satisfied with her answer and since there was nothing more to discuss the meeting was pushed to the usual spot on Thursday afternoon. 

The moment the council left her house Allie let out a shaky breath she’d been holding for a long time. The worst part was over and now Allie just had to convince her people that she was doing the right thing.  
Allie and Harry walked together to the town meeting, their hands touching nearly the whole way but neither had the confidence to take that chance. As Allie walked up the stairs, Harry kept glancing towards the guard and the council worried about their reaction to Allie’s speech she would start any moment. 

“Hey everyone.” Allie waved awkwardly. She still thought her being the leader was fairly weird so she hadn’t figure out how to greet everyone just yet. “I know you have all been wondering what we are going to do with Campbell. As you know the council and I have decided to not have another trial because everyone heard Campbell’s confession when Elle played her recordings….”  
“And now…” Will interrupted her loudly.  
“And now I will tell you what we’ll do with him.” Allie took the speech over again. She didn’t know what Will was thinking. He wasn’t the mayor and if he continued to act like this Allie would have to ask him to be removed from the council all together. 

Allie quickly glanced at Harry who gave her a small nod. She knew her decision to go against the council was correct but the fact that Harry agreed with her even though he was one of Campbell’s victims gave her the confidence to actually go through with it.  
“We have decided to not execute him!” The crowd gasped audibly. Everyone had been expecting Campbell to be executed since Allie had given the eye for an eye speech at Dewey’s trial.  
Gordie rushed to the stage and whispered, “Allie. That’s not what you told us this morning. You know what will happen if you don’t make this decision.” It was a thinly veiled threat but Allie had enough. She was going to be fully open with her people so nobody could hold this against her. 

“I will be honest with you. I made this decision without the council. The majority wanted to execute him and have been pressuring me to agree with them but I can’t. None of you have to live with making such a decision and if any of you would like to speak up now!” Allie waited a few minutes but nobody said anything. Everyone was sitting around with thoughtful and sometimes even understanding faces.  
“I’m sorry I let you down. Campbell is a disgusting human being and he will be punished for what he did to Elle. Believe me! But he is still my cousin and I don’t think a family member should make this decision so if you want this decision to be made, make it without me and deal with the consequences.” Allie looked at the council, who had their heads together and were talking in hushed voices.  
“Ehm that’s all but I or someone else will update you on the situation as soon as possible.” 

With that Allie left the church. Harry was following close by and the moment Allie was on the lawn outside she collapsed to her knees. Once again she couldn’t breath and her chest felt like an elephant was sitting on it. Just like last time Harry rushed to her side and helped her get her breathing back to normal.  
The rest of the day Allie stayed at Harry’s house, trying to regain a sense of normalcy and to keep herself from freaking out about any reactions that might come later.  
Harry stayed with her the entire time and Allie was glad he was there. It made her feel warm inside and it seemed like Harry’s first priority was Allie as a person and her wellbeing over Allie’s ability to do her job as mayor. She felt protected and well taken care of for the first time in a long time and she was overall calmer with him around. 

During the next few weeks they became closer and closer but it was far from perfect. There were stilted conversations, some arguments and overall awkwardness but they kept each other from panicking and enjoyed each other’s company more and more.  
It took Harry another two months to ask Allie on an official date – a home-cooked dinner followed by a movie at his house- and another month for Allie to kiss Harry.  
In the end they were happy with each other and slowly but surely the town became used to seeing them together. The majority was happy for them but in the end the only thing that really mattered to them anyway was that they felt more peaceful and happier than ever with each other.

**Author's Note:**

> This was entirely self-indulgent. I kinda like the idea of Harry knowing what to do when someone has a panic attack from his experience. 
> 
> Kudos and Comments as well as constructive criticism are always appreciated!!
> 
> Come hit me up on Tumblr (@playingfugitivenothingelse) if you want to talk about Harry x Allie or the society in general!!
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
